I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
