Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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