found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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