everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
