and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
