Having a random hookup so left but love u
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
