the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
