I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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