sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
