As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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