There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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