he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
