she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we're making bets on your personal life
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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