so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
