i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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