Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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