This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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