It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
