worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
