you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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