Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
