He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
