No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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