Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
