I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
