Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
