ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
