she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
