found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
