Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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