I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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