I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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