Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
