Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
