Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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