3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
