its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
