This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
