Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
