Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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