I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
