He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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