the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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