Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I will pee on everything he values.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
