Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
