The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
