i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
