What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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