Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
