It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
