Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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