Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
