my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
