And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
