You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
