I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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