I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My friends, they love my intelligence
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
