so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
