just come out here and I will go home with you...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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