Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
