u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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