Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is the high leading the old right now
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize