someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
