how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
