the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
