they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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