I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
