so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
