how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am available for nakedness
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
