she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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