I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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