i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
