Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
