he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
