When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
