Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
