butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
