I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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