You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
