I CAN MOONWALK!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
