k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
