These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
